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The New Rules of Horror. - Cinema Aficionado: The Rudiments of Film [entries|archive|friends|userinfo]
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The New Rules of Horror. [Aug. 26th, 2008|03:20 pm]
Cinema Aficionado: The Rudiments of Film
cinemaficionado
[bulldogmafia]
We used to have certain social mores in the West that manifested themselves in films as morality lessons: the virginal teen queen survived many attempted butcherings while her horny friends became sliced and diced; characters, as spoofed in the Scream franchise, who said they would be right back from an errand are killed off before they can return; never run upstairs toward the boudoir when you you should be running out the door.

And since Psycho (1960 of course), characters are unable to bathe or shower without becoming lunchmeat.

Premarital sex and cohabitation have become accepted in society at large, and women have become more empowered, leading to a
decrease in the rape-revenge survival horror that was so popular in the 1970s and 80s. Rape-revenge horror has been replaced by a new niche subgenre called torture porn, which is not horror, let alone cinema.

Therefore, for the arguments demonstrated above, we need new rules to reflect modernity.

These are The New Rules of Horror.


1. If you hear Muse, run for your life or hide (Danny Boyle movies). Muse is good for showing supreme isolation, but is also good music for zombies to chase you to.

2. Have all the sex you want, but don't become pregnant. (This has come around from the obvious Omen franchise, but has updated itself in movies such as The Eye II and À l'intérieur ("Inside")).

3. Do not ever move to Japan. Don't even visit. Probably not Korea either.

4. Your cell phone won't get reception when your car is broken down in the Ozarks, so make sure your vehicle has
GPS. It will be one time that you are glad Big Brother is watching.

5. If you survive your first encounter with the monster/event/ghost, you will probably die in the second (The Grudge, Hills Have Eyes, Final Destination).

6. Don't get a unique tattoo or piercing. It will be used as a visual device to make sure your friends know you were eaten by/torn apart by/
the monster/ghost/event.

7. Unlike the 80s and a lot of the 90s, if you are part of a happy couple, at least one of the two of you is not making it out alive. Better give your partner candy bars and start your running regimen now.

8. If you are behind the camera filming your terrifying ordeal, you almost guarantee you will make it as long or longer than any of your friends (Blair Witch Project, [Rec], Cloverfield, Diary of the Dead). You are more likely to remain calm when your reality is filtered through the camera, and this helps when you are running from things that want to kill you.

9. Look out for environmental damage, toxic spills, and climate catastrophes around you. These will mutant animals and other humans into objects that thirst for carnage.

10. If you ever hear of a pharmaceutical company that wants to experiment with age-defying skin treatments, alert consumer watchdog Ralph Nader right away.
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Comments:
From: (Anonymous)
2011-07-04 06:44 am (UTC)

very informative

Yes, probably so it is
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